雅思小作文批改（剑5test1）

The graph illustrates the dramatic comparison of the population proportion aged 65 and over from year 1940 to 2040 in three countries.

In Japan, its population proportion started in the year of 1940 at a tendency of going from 5% to approximate 3% in 1960, followed by a stable trend before restarting to the original level in year 2000.

In view of Sweden and USA, which both countries demonstrate a constantly increasing movement of the population, started itself from 7% and 9% to 16% and 14% respectively during the same period as Japan.

It is worth mention that the expected proportions in three countries, especially Japan are blessed with a noticeable rising of population, which raised sharply to 27% over the last two decades. As to the other countries, Sweden and USA have all experienced a moderate increase in population by hitting to 25% and 24% each, although Sweden suffered from a little turbulence in years from 2000 to 2020.

楼主英文水平很好，接近西方的结构写作，但语法稍微注意一下，有个别词汇还是要了解一下运用的方法，（英文同义单词很多，但写作时每个都有不同的用途）。还有尽量不要写数字，像 3 countries 要写成 three countries 看起来会比较正式一点。

我尽量改的都改了，也不会是完全对，只给LZ一个参考。

雅思剑5test1小作文 求评价

The line graph describes some data about the percentage

=》是不是可以改成 The line graph describes the percentage。

aged 65 and over

=》aged 65 and older ?

As can be seen from this line graph,there is an increasing trend in the number of old people in three countries.More precisely,the percentage of population went up gradually from 9% in 1940 to 15% in 1982 and it will remain stable at 14% in 2018（那个国家？）.After that（去掉？），the proportion of population aged 65 and over is expected to reach 23% in 2040.Similarly（跟什么说similarly，前后说的好像不一样） ，the proportion of population age 65and over in Sweden accounted for 7% in 1940 to 26% in 2040（对将来数据的预测，时态是否不对？）.While,the percentage of population aged 65 and over in USA remained steady at 5% by the end of 2008,After that, there is a substantial surge and occupies at 27% in 2040（对将来数据的预测，时态是否不对？）.

Therefore,it shows that the percentage of 65+ people are soring moderately in the next three decades.（ 未来三年应该是数据预测，不是shows吧。。。，另外，soring moderately，适度的飙升？有点矛盾？）

soring => soaring

帮我改一下这个雅思小作文是剑5 test1的小作文

The graph illustrates changes in the proportion of the population aged 65 and over form 1940 to 2040 in Japan, Sweden, and USA. （介词in用的没错，但要加上逗号。）

In 1940,JAPAN was the least in amount of population aged over 65,which was 5%. While the American population was the most proportion,which was double of Japanese about 9%,furthermore,Swiss population was 7% in between.

---In 1940, Japan was the one which has the least amount of population aged 65 and over(5%), while America consists of the largest proportion, which amounts to 9%, doubling that of Japan.

During 100-year period,proportion of Swiss and American had a upward trend,which increased to 25% and 27% respectively.but there was a slight decline in the number of Swiss population from 2010 to 2030.

However,the proportion of Japanese population witnessed a downward trend from 1940 to 1990,which reached the bottom (about 3%), after which, we can see a highly upward trend that the population increased to 27% in 2040.Furthermore, it even overtook Swiss and America in 2030.

Overall,the graph shows the proportion of three countrys population aged 65 and over has increased dramatically in 100 years.

雅思作文求评分,谢谢啦

我觉得你写的不错，结构很清晰，论点和论据一目了然。长短句结合。也有例子具体的分数我不好评，因为我的作文也就考了6.5.我就说说我认为的不足的地方吧，希望能帮到你。

第一是按照你的观点，你认为先工作旅游是好的，那么主体写的时候最好先写你不同意的观点。也就是把你这两个主体段换一下位置。第二是如果你想拿高分，最好能用上一些好词来代替比较普通和简单的表述。第三是我觉得最后的conclusion说这样可能会让年轻人找到一些方向这个观点应该是一个新的观点吧？你的支持段里并没有说到这个好处。而结论段式不允许出现新的观点的，应该是总结你的陈述。如果你想加上这个支持观点可以写进主体段里。然后综上所示，虽然先工作旅游有一些缺点，但是它既可以增长知识，又可以帮助青少年更好的实现目标。所以你支持先工作旅游这一观点。

总体来看六分以上是绝对没问题的，如果结合你小作文也不错的话，六点五的可能比较大，当然没准儿对哪个考官的胃口七分也不是没有可能的。

剑5TEST2大作文求改,想知道自己最大的问题在那里？牛人们帮忙

帮你贴还没有看但是第一印象就是40分钟内你绝对写不了那么多.What,you maywonder,is the consequences of youngsters finding a job or beginning a travelduring the time of a year rather than entering the classroom in universityimmediately of who have just graduated from high schools and are going to befreshman in colleges.Although,inspired by their parents and teachers,he or she undoubtedlymake up his or her mind to explore the society and the world by a job or atrip,it seems that with some positive effects being brought,the negative onesalso emerge among above activities. Why these wayschose by so many young student become second to none on acquainting themselveswith real society can be illustrated by the cause that through normal teachingon class from high school to college only theoretical knowledge are absorbedcompletely by students.By contrast,the practical skills such as the ability ofcommunication are really hard to be taught at school,which need real backgroundsand visual negotiations with strangers.Because of this,if somebody look forwardto adapt cruel society in advance,it is necessary for them to spent such a yearon getting in touch with the real world.Furthermore,these future students incampus are easier to make friend with the strangers who they never meet bycooperating with others or helping each other during the trip.And the biggestadvantage they can obtain is that with the chance of ** every crucial decisionto cope with difficulties happened during this year,self-esteem would beencouraged and self-knowledge also can be fulfilled. However,likepatients take pills to control diseases accompanied by side effect,thedisadvantages of having interim year to experience the true world and becomemature in psychology are also brought about.Firstly,it is inevitable that aftergetting salary and earning money in work or enjoying themselves at touristsites the interests on study will naturally decreae and the attraction ofknowledge will deminsh at the same time,followed by the behaviours of skipingthe courses and giving up the goal in life.Even worse,there are manytemptations such as luxury hotels and modern pubs that lead to a wrong way tocourt material lifestyles and then make them hated in study. In myopinion,before starting the first social course in lifetime,the right guidancesfrom parents and teachers is essential to make sure that these vivid youthswill not be disturbed by bad things.only in this way,can these activities abouta year be useful for young people and the whole society.。

求大牛雅思小作文批改！ 题目是剑5 TEXT 1 的小作文,帮忙改下错,

The graph describes the portion of the population above aged 65 between 1940 and 2040 in the three countries---USA,Sweden and Japan. As shown in the graph, it is expected to have increments in the rate of old people .

In 1940,the proportion of population above age 65 remained extremely low, as the figure of these countries stood at 9%(in USA),8%(in Sweden) and only 5%(in Japan). However by the end of the 1980 ,the number of old people in USA and Sweden had dramatically grown ,arriving at 15% and 14% respectively; by contrast, it had indicated a slight decrease in Japan ,then reminded approximate 3% in the corresponding period .Subsequently, fluctuation showed ,but had been predicted that the rate of the elder was going to descend around 10% in both USA and sweden.

After 1980, the number of Japanese old people had been consistently toward an upward trend .The portion of population above age 65 in Japan will overtake it of Sweden and USA in(around?) 2030. Clearly,the circumstances of USA,Sweden and Japen will reach the similar point.

求大神批改作文剑5task2,谢谢

1. 模板的感觉比较重，尤其第一段，当然也许你已经修改了模板，但是还是需要继续深化。

2. 第一句的increasing和development有点重合的感觉，你想表达是不是“社会发展越来越快或者越来越深化”呢，如果是的话，把increasing换成deepening

3. debate这个词是可数名词，因此，many debates

4. 首段第三行，population这个词，我觉得你想表达比例相同，因此换用proportion更好，句式再丰富一些，of same proportion

5. of the situation，单数可数名词不能裸奔。类似的情况还有of the society

6. 第二段的to some extent太官方了，加在这里的话有点没头没脑的

7. 第二段首句，非谓语argued/conflicted和universities的关系，这个地方有点模糊，你也许想说这个话题一致处于争论中，那么建议用独立主格。The topic being argued and conflicted，再加上后面句子

8. 从some departments开始到their ages结束，这一大句中涉及到了like+etc的用法，etc首先是不正规的，然后和like冲突，建议换成such as就好了。然后非限制性定语从句which建议换成非谓语结构

9. 二段最后一句，用虚拟更好

10. 三段首句the more中的the直接省去

11. as we all know不是as all we know

12. individuals minds differ from male to femal改成differ a lot between male and female，知道你想表达的意思，不过from表示从XX到XX，感觉有点怪怪的

13. which后面的两个what要加上and

14. 上一句后面if那句话，后面一个which，直接木有主语了，所有后面直接上句子，别which了

15. additionally或者in addition

16. not just应该是not only

17. 第三段最后一句，我终于看懂了，你的谓语在最后，那么female后面的garduate应该变成graduating

18. although变成in sum或者on balance

19. think it改成think it over或者consider

20. and then后面的analyzing应该是原型，因为前面有一个should

以上是我的观点，如果觉得好，请采纳哦~~

求雅思剑桥9的test1大作文范文的翻译

Childrens education has long been our concern since Plato once uttered, "Education is where a country should start at." However, it is still a controversial issue after all these years among people who are particularly concerned about it. Some people believe that it is parents responsibility to cultivate their kids to be fully aware of what a social being should look like; others, whereas, argue that schools should take over this for the ultimate goal. In this essay, I would put this issue in question and further analyse both sides before presenting my personal perspective. On one hand, parents, as the first touchers of their kids, should tell them how to differentiate right from wrong. Given the time parents spend with their kids, they can be more likely to observe everyday change of their children. As a result of this, they are accountable for how their children normally behave in reality. More importantly, considering the fact that people according to their social being are usually placed into diverse norms, parents, as a family, as a part of community and as individuals in the society, should appropriately behave in action so as to deliver a message to their kids in which what should be respected and cherished in lives is highly highlighted. On the other hand, academic institutions should take the responsibility for educating students to be entirely ready to enter the society. After leaving parents for schools, kids almost devote their most prime time at schools with their peels, their friends and their teachers; therefore, schools ought to put much emphasis on their growth as a person. Consequently, students could learn what they cannot acquire from home, such as communicative skills, understanding of various cultures etc.。